I often hear versions of this confession from my clients. When a child has trouble answering, “How do you feel when you’re happy?” it poses an additional challenge. In a recent attempt to explain, this is what I did: Can you feel the chair underneath you? (Focusing on sensations) What does it feel like? Can… Read More Don’t know what happiness feels like?
Long ago as an architecture student, I would dream about walking through the designs I was working on (this often turned into nightmares!). Even today, I often dream of being lost in interior spaces both familiar and unfamiliar. It is no surprise that architectural metaphors, thinking and space infuse my understanding of philosophy and therapy.… Read More Architect of my soul
How can I move on and grow when I’m back at home with my parents? …I’ve been asked various versions of this question as a counselor. At best the question exposes the uncomfortable struggle between needing support and wanting autonomy. At worst it hides destructive shame and self-doubt. Yes, I answer.. this is your question,… Read More Pausing or Stuck?
“What does the opposite of a seizure feel like for you? What are you doing when you are comfortable?” “I am sipping coffee in the morning. The kids are off to school and it’s quiet.” “Do you have a favorite coffee cup? Tomorrow morning try holding your coffee cup in your lap, feel the weight… Read More After filling your cup
Two steps back, is still progress right? At least movement. In the therapy process we are looking for movement, doesn’t matter which direction. Movement shows struggle, shows vitality, shows emotional effort, even if in the seemingly negative direction. Aristotle defines life as movement between contraries. If we are all composed of many parts, many contradictions,… Read More Three steps forward…
I have the privilege of staying safe at home during this pandemic. Comfortable, well-fed and loved, I’m basking in the simplicity of making meals for my daughters. I can’t complain. As a nerdy introvert lost in my own thoughts, my social scene has not altered much except for lunches with my trusted tiny circle of… Read More Scorched Paella and the Pandemic
If self-awareness is a journey, insights are the “aha” moments along the way. They’re the fuel powering the souped-up sports car on the highway of self-awareness: with them, we can step on the gas pedal; without them, we’re stranded on the side of the road. Eurich, Tasha. Insight . Crown. Kindle Edition. According to Tasha… Read More Inside/Out Self-awareness
Life itself is your career, and your interaction with life is your most meaningful relationship. Everything else you’re doing is just focusing on a tiny subset of life in the attempt to give life some meaning. What actually gives life meaning is the willingness to live it. It isn’t any particular event; it’s the willingness… Read More Life as a career
My initial concern, as a counselor, with social distancing in this time of COVID-19 was the increased potential for social isolation. I worry about the elderly, the children in abusive or unsafe homes, the victims of partner violence, the ones living alone, the ones sick or afraid. One of my first remote sessions caused me… Read More Relief in Social Distancing?
“If I can create a relationship characterized on my part: by a genuineness and transparency, in which I am my real feelings; by a warm acceptance of and prizing of the other person as a separate individual: by a sensitive ability to see his world and himself as he sees them; Then the other individual… Read More How to host personal growth