I have a confession.
I’ve been converting joy into fear. My desire to help into a fear of hurting others. I haven’t been digesting life or metabolizing my nutrient-rich loving supports in spirit or in body despite this blog’s mission.
Mostly I’m guilty of being unaware of my own indigestion.
The literal and material story is that my A1C reports pre-diabetes, a blame that can easily be laid at the feet of my parents. How could I, mindful eater hungryphil, fail to notice my own decreasing ability to metabolize energy?
In fearing failure, I failed.
The spiritual story is that new to my practicum site of community mental health, I let my desire to help morph into a fear of paperwork- forms, checking the wrong box, not asking enough, asking too much, not converting subjective information into correct numerical value, writing the wrong words etc. etc. The stress turned my dream job into a haunting.
I know, you’re probably thinking like my doctor, this isn’t so deep hungryphil, “just stop eating carbs and sugar, all will be well.” Part of me agrees with you.
Those of you familiar with the work of Louis Hay know that diabetes expresses a:
Longing for what might have been. A great need to control. Deep sorrow. No sweetness left.
In order to counteract this association she recommends that I need to remind myself that:
This moment is filled with joy. I now choose to experience the sweetness of today.You Can Heal Your Life . Hay House. Kindle Edition.
Yes, I know this maybe voodoo and completely unrelated to the mechanics of genetics and biology. Again, agree.
What if there is more: a spiritual dimension to all that challenges us whether physical or emotional?
This my own intervention plan for the next six months until I get tested again:
- Reduce Carbohydrate and Sugar intake following medical advice.
- Walk an hour a day. Expend energy reconnecting to my ground by focusing on each step.
- Educate myself on how to identify supportive and nutrient-rich good things in food and people. This also means accepting help and guidance from others, for example, trust my supervisor and peers at work. I’m also working with a nutrition coach to introduce me to food that can support me better. Interestingly the first lesson involved a form of “grounding.” Nutrient rich soil produces nutrient rich produce, therefore buy from farmers who nourish the soil. Simple, right? More on this later. Fascinating how our ground and earth matters: emotionally and digestively.
- Recognize fears present alongside positive emotions instead of replacing or rejecting.
May I metabolize sweetness into energetic joy. The last months I have let the joys of my life ferment in fear. I will celebrate learning new things instead of focusing on mistakes. I will celebrate my baby growing into higher learning instead of fearing her departure. I will celebrate my warm loving home and husband instead of fearing all that can interrupt.
I will celebrate you, dear readers, my willing community of ears and eyes, as part of my nourishing support.
This moment is filled with joy. I now choose to experience the sweetness of today.
May we all metabolize and accept joy with gratitude (and enjoy a warm glazed chocolate doughnut occasionally).