Exploded view of my now

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Living forces honesty. Answers are seasonal, losing their sense precisely as they become scripture. You will die: this is the first meaning. The world around you seems to bear helpless witness to your wandering. Other people suffer in the same way, and yet this seems to increase loneliness. But you can welcome despair like gravity, for at some point the sheer pressure, tectonic in the soma, compels a violent break in pattern: running through the woods, making love with an utter loss of self. The reality of your condition offers a stark gift you accept through sudden discharges of rage and rage’s joyful shadow: this is the only life you know, and it fills you to overflowing. You live your life, yoga happens to you.

You thought you were alone. You tried to be independent. Then, standing in the market with your hand on an orange, children underfoot, traffic humming, conversations blendingwith the radio by the cash register, shoes you did not make on your feet and clothes you did not sew on your back, sun slanting through rips in the tin awning, you’re almost late for meeting someone, always almost too late. You know this orange will give you life, and that you did not grow it. Someone else gave it to you, it will become your flesh. Its colour adds immeasurably to your language and dreams while its name rhymes with nothing, and you did not conceive of it. The old grocer’s hands have become gnarled through a lifetime of handling boxes of oranges for you to eat. Someone else gives you your flesh. They could not give what they do not have. Someone else holds their flesh forth until it becomes your flesh.

A child triggers an internal laugh. A dog slaps her thick tail against your shin. Every single object that gives you life surrounds you. If you really were alone you would not exist. You did not make the air you breathe. You can’t say where the inside of your flesh begins. You are naturally reaching out as something reaches into you. No one and everyone taught you this. You surrender to the always-already-there, and yoga happens around you, through you.

– Matthew Remski, Threads of Yoga

Beautiful example of philosophical object orientation and mindful awareness, Ian Bogost style, maps, meanwhiles, lists and ontographs, Timothy Morton style thoughts of gravity, weird reality, shredded wheat magical simplicity.

Yoga invites us to the stillness of an exploded view of our present moment. Notice yourself, your body supported by the ground, your arms reaching to the sky, your breath, feelings, thoughts, sensations. All material, all fleeting. In stillness watch yourself move in thought and breath. Yoga offers such quiet power ❤️

Wishing you a weekend of mindful nows,

Hungryphil

Hungryphil starts an MSW

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It is a bit unusual for someone with a Ph.D. to go back to school, right? Yet, here I am.

This is my first-week attending IUPUI’s Masters of Social Work program online. I don’t find my status odd or contradictory. Given my graduate work at the New School School for Social Research, a pursuit of social work practices was inevitable.  A perspective also reinforced by my parents, PhDs in Social Work and Education working in Dhaka. Inevitable.

However, I am surprised to find myself, afraid. What if I fail, what if I’m stupid, what if I’m too old, what if I’m wasting all this money…yada..yada..yada…We are all so vulnerable to our own minds trying desperately to protect us.  This is when a third person inner monologue may help.  Let me demonstrate:

“Hungryphil wants to be a better helper. She wants to help people rebuild their lives after loss of love, meaning, and self-worth. She is afraid of being back in school to help her do so, but the risk of failure is worth it.”

While the use of a  third person voice can be annoying, it helps me distance myself and see myself.

Mostly this week involved awkward video introductions, being overwhelmed with the flood of assignments and the bubbling excitement of learning. It was a good start.

How can a philosopher-architect-food lover evolve into a therapeutic, creative, responsive change agent who helps others rebuild lives out of their own self-discovered empowerment?

My first clue comes from this week’s reading: Chapter 1 of Challenging Oppression and Confronting Privilege by Bob Mullaly, began with the following quote by Ben Agger,

Critical social theory conceives human liberation as the highest form of intellectual activity.

I wonder if this thought will hold under an Object Oriented Ontology perspective?

Hmmm…..so many questions to come……… it seems I’ll be talking to myself a lot!

Happy blossoming everyone,

Hungryphil

 

Yoga for Grief 2 (Off the Mat)

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This was week 2 of Yoga for Grief at the IU-Arnett Hospice in Lafayette, IN. Thank you to new and returning yoga friends.

Yoga for grief can accompany each of Dr. William Worden’s four tasks of mourning: acceptance, processing, adjusting and finding a place for loss in new life. I am particularly interested in the role of yoga to help us make room for our loss as we continue to build a new life around and beyond. The loss doesn’t diminish or shrink. In order to endure a loss, we have to actively build around it. It requires constant mindful vigilance. Grief work is tiresome and exhausting. Rebuilding a life can feel overwhelming and daunting.

While mourning does not automatically imply depression, there are certainly days when one can find it difficult to get going, to move, to live this newly reconstructed life with focus and effort.

First, meet your mood. How do you feel? Notice your breath, energy, sensations, emotions, thoughts, the collection of experiences that make up your “now”. Are you feeling energetic, lethargic or at ease?

Grieving people are rarely allowed or encouraged to simply be, to feel what they feeling. Yoga, however, asks us again and again to simply be with what is, with compassion toward ourselves and others, being exactly where and how we are in the present moment. It encourages, allows and supports us in being exactly how and where we are, while at the same time giving us tools, support and space in which to adapt, adjust and accommodate who and where we are now that grief has visited a new and unwanted reality upon our lives.

Helbert, Karla. Yoga for Grief and Loss: Poses, Meditation, Devotion, Self-Reflection, Selfless Acts, Ritual (p. 21). Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Kindle Edition.

If you are feeling low on energy and finding it difficult to keep moving, maybe you are anxious at night, sluggish during the day, try these techniques to the extent that they work for your body and heart.

The path of grief is not a straight line; it is meandering and full of switchbacks. One moment you are sitting peacefully on your meditation cushion, then suddenly you are transported through time and space back to the worst day of your life. This is normal, but not at all comfortable. Such moments as these, when you feel the most stuck, are the moments where practice is most important.

Stang, Heather. Mindfulness and Grief: With guided meditations to calm the mind and restore the spirit (p. 94). Ryland Peters & Small. Kindle Edition.

Through gentle yoga practices, we can coax our body into a sense of action and energy. Add big movements with arms overhead. Add expansive breath that fills up the lungs. Add meditation that “moves.”

Today we practiced 7 techniques:

Technique 1: Overhead arm stretches

Technique 2: Ujjiya breath/ocean breath (both calming and energizing from Yoga Skills for Therapists)

Technique 3: Pulling Prana (from Yoga Skills for Therapists) Arms outstretched arms move back on an exhale. 6 times.

Technique 4: Breath of Joy (from Yoga Skills for Therapists) Arms move up and out through a three-step inhale and exhale through the mouth by bringing the arms down as you bend your knees. 6-9 times.

Technique 5: Walking meditation (from Yoga Mindfulness Therapy) for homework. 15 minutes.

Technique 6: Backward and forward meditation (from Yoga Mindfulness Therapy) Imagine a time or place that brought you joy in the past. Can you imagine a time and place beyond the grief you feel now in the future?

Technique 7: Sense-awareness essential oils: Bergamot, Peppermint, Jasmine as examples of energizing, mood enhancing oils.

Lament

Listen, children: Your father is dead.

From his old coats

I’ll make you little jackets;

I’ll make you little trousers

From his old pants.

There’ll be in his pockets

Things he used to put there,

Keys and pennies

Covered with tobacco;

Dan shall have the pennies

To save in his bank;

Anne shall have the keys

To make a pretty noise with.

Life must go on,

And the dead be forgotten;

Life must go on, Though good men die;

Anne, eat your breakfast;

Dan, take your medicine;

Life must go on;

I forget just why.

Edna St. Vincent Millay, 1892 – 1950

https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/lament

Contact me with any questions 🙂

Join me for Gentle Yoga at Morton Community Center, Wednesdays 10 -11:15am and Monthly Meditation at Community Yoga, donation based and usually on the second Sunday of the month, 7:30 -8:30 pm (check for details and to register online).

If you are interested in individual or group grief counseling, let’s talk. As a certified Grief Recovery Specialist, I hope to nurture self-care and hope.

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Yoga for Grief (off the mat)

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To those who participated in our first session of yoga for grief (serving Lafayette IU Health Hospice Groups), THANK YOU.  We explored basic breath, body and mind awareness as a way to notice and return to ourselves especially after loss.

We started with a few easy standing stretches, seated breath awareness, guided meditation and guided relaxation. Before we summarize the 6 techniques we practice, here is a quick introduction to the group.

What is Yoga?

In helping us, observe ourselves, yoga, among many other benefits, promotes healing through self-awareness.

“1    Now, the teachings of yoga.

2    Yoga is to still the patterning of consciousness.

3    Then pure awareness can abide in its very nature.

4    Otherwise awareness takes itself to be the patterns of consciousness.”

HARTRANFT, CHIP. The Yoga-Sutra of Patanjali: A New Translation with Commentary (Shambhala Classics) (Kindle Locations 247-250). Shambhala. Kindle Edition.

Why Yoga and Grief?

  1. Back to the body as a way back to living.

“Mindfulness lets you expand your view by placing you in the middle ground between denying your pain and overindulging in your suffering. From that vantage point you can observe the whole experience with a sense of openness to whatever arises. You stay in contact with the entire scope of your existence, and you experience grief without becoming grief itself.”

Stang, Heather. Mindfulness and Grief: With guided meditations to calm the mind and restore the spirit (p. 18). Ryland Peters & Small. Kindle Edition.

  1. Learning to hold contradictory feelings of sadness and joy, anxiety and ease. 

“Yoga teaches us how to hold seemingly opposing thoughts, ideas and experiences together at the same time. We can be in grief and live a wholehearted, connected life at the same time.”

Yoga for Grief and Loss: Poses, Meditation, Devotion, Self-Reflection, Selfless Acts, Ritual (p. 19). Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Kindle Edition.

  1. Leaning towards self-aware hope and away from hopelessness.

“The principles of yoga complement the ultimate goals of therapy: self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-efficacy, self-regulation, and whatever individual goals you and your clients may hold for their optimum well-being.”

Weintraub, Amy. Yoga Skills for Therapists: Effective Practices for Mood Management (Norton Professional Books (Hardcover)) (p. 9). W. W. Norton & Company. Kindle Edition.

Today we practiced 6 techniques:

Technique 1: Body alignment in mountain pose. Stand here and now.

Technique 2: Breath awareness: Quality of Breath: Temperature, Rhythm, Texture, Depth

Technique 3: Counted Three Part Breath Practice (inhale 4- exhale 6-pause 2)

Technique 4: Six-sense awareness (eyes, nose, ears, touch, taste, mind)

Technique 5: RAIN Mindful Meditation (Recognize, allow, inquire, natural)

For more information look to the work of Tara Brach, https://www.mindful.org/tara-brach-rain-mindfulness-practice/

Technique 6: Healing essential oils: Lavender (ease), orange (energy-creativity), ylang-ylang (joy) combination

Please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns.

Join me for Gentle Yoga at Morton Community Center, Wednesdays 10 -11:15am and Monthly Meditation at Community Yoga, donation based and usually on the second Sunday of the month, 7:30 -8:30 pm (check for details and to register online).

If you are interested in individual or group grief counseling, let’s talk. As a certified Grief Recovery Specialist, I hope to nurture self-care and hope.

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The Gift of Grief Recovery

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Last weekend I had the joy of attending a certification training for the Grief Recovery Method.  What a gift! I have to admit that I stepped into the training with trepidation and a healthy dose of skepticism. As a philosopher, I worried that the training would be a trite appeal to non-discursive subjective feelings. As a yoga instructor, I worried that it would deny the grief harbored in the body and become a cerebral lecture. My worries were unfounded.

The 12 and 8-week group programs and the individual 7-week program (among others) that made up our training, focused on a sequence of questions and actions that were individually addressed and then shared. There was attention to systemic progression, individual exploration, and small group communication. The focus on giving voice to specific and embodied experiences of grief through visual, verbal and performative expression protects the process from abstraction. The role of the facilitator is just that. No lectures, no advice, no judgments. Similarly, small group partners are asked to be “soft hearts with ears” and to refrain from verbally reacting. We were all there to simply listen, to others and most importantly to ourselves (much like a yoga practice). The logo of a heart in a speech bubble is exactly what the program offers.

I am thankful to have made 11 new friends who have listened to my heart and look forward to sharing the program and learning more as a newly certified grief recovery specialist.

May we listen to our hearts,

Hungryphil

 

 

 

 

Goose grief and love instincts

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The first response to the disapperance of the partner consists in the anxious attempt to find him again. The goose moves about restlessly by day and night, flying great distances and visiting places where the partner might be found, uttering all the time the pentratrating trisyllable long-distance call…..the searching expeditions are extended farther and farther and quite often the searcher gets lost, or succumbs to an accident….All the objective observable characteristics of the goose’s behavior on loosing its mate are roughly identical with human grief.

William Worden in Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy quotes the work of ethnologist Konrad Lorenz above. It describes the biological crisis associated with loss beyond rational and emotional articulation.

Yoga and meditation may address such non-verbal and primal instinct through breath and body awareness.  It may help ease that biological need to keep searching outside ourselves for our loved ones.

I’ll keep reading.

Wishing you grounded calmness unlike the restless, anxious and lost goose,

Hungryphil

*I didn’t have an image of geese…….but we can imagine the restless flight.

Gift of Eggs and Kimchi Fried Rice

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My friend, Linda gave me a dozen fresh eggs this morning. My obessive love of eggs is no secret. What a happy gift!

At the end of the morning yoga session while everyone was enjoying a peaceful savasana, I was planning lunch. My leftover rice from last night already had quiet ambitions of becoming a kimchi fried rice topped with a fried egg. Now, I had fresh eggs to make that dish sing.

I first learned about Kimchi (a Korean cabbage pickle) with rice watching Food Network. Thank you, Ina Garten and guest.

https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/kimchi-fried-rice-with-fried-egg-recipe-2131583

My version is simply leftover rice, mixed with kimchi, heated and then topped with an egg. The pickle is spicy-tart and makes the rice moist, crispy and flavorful. The deep orange yolk of the fresh egg works as a sweet-salty sauce.

So simple, so good.

Thanks to Linda, lunch was fantastic.

Wishing you a happy lunch,

Hungryphil

 

 

“Undigested Feelings” – Advice Not Given by Mark Epstein

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“Emotional content needs a welcoming attitude; otherwise it will remain undigested, waiting to jump out at inopportune times.”

As a hungry philosopher, you can see why the above quote would resonate with me. I’ve thought about digesting yummy tastes, good-for-you food and empowering nutrition. I hadn’t thought about a range “undigested emotions” from PTSD to small irritating hooks into our attention. Makes me wonder how I “digest” emotions? What do I absorb, what do I let go and what do I hold on to? Emotional nourishment or constipation. This is just one example of thought-provoking advice from Mark Epstein’s “Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself.”

One way he recommends to process and digest emotions follows the “Good enough parent model.” In this model, the key is to observe negative emotions (like an angry child) with presence and without retaliation. He explains,

“…would ask me to elaborate on what being a “good enough” parent actually meant. “It means being able to survive one’s child’s rage,” I would answer. “And what does it mean to survive the rage?” they would ask. “Not to be invasive and not to be rejecting,” I would say. “To be able to hold their anger and be open to their experience without abandoning them but without retaliating either.”

Next time, I feel full of anger, self-judgment, envy, anxiety, I’ll try to first of all notice and name the emotion. Tasting and identifying the emotion or often conflicting emotions is difficult enough. The next step that requires a mindful response but no reaction is very, very difficult. We can only practice “the willingness to separate the raw material of emotion from the story we have built up around it,” right? Most of us, don’t even recognize our own “operating system” or inner-narratives.

In therapy, when we show up, we look for feelings, bring them out, and make them the subject of inquiry. We talk emotions over, examine them, wonder about them, and explore around their edges. This willingness to separate the raw material of emotion from the story we have built up around it is a critical aspect of Right Speech. It allows us to speak more gently to ourselves in the face of our most intense suffering, not just in the midst of meditation or in a therapist’s office but in real life, in the middle of the night when we lie awake wondering what is wrong with us.”

It helps to hear the idea of letting go and noticing through as many ways possible. It helps to hear that we just need to show up in our own lives and narratives.

May we all digest our emotions as well as our dinner,

Hungryphil

Epstein, Mark. Advice Not Given: A Guide to Getting Over Yourself (p. 73). Penguin Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

 

 

 

Lurking Dangers of Online Images

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Dear Readers,

A confession. No. A lamentation.

Recently my beloved Community Yoga, (West Lafayette, Indiana) was sued for copyright infringement based on a re-posted Hungryphil blog post.

I am mortified and confused. In all my work, I aim to always attribute images and honor the work of writers, artists, and designers. I quickly learned that “free downloads” and filtered public domain images are not so, attribution and plagiarism are not same, and the copyright/fair use issues are very gray.  The image I had used was a comic cartoon of a yogi doing a handstand, sideways (funny and creative work, thank you artist whom I don’t know and have inadvertently offended). Ironically the post was about the dangers of ego-focus. It had the website and the image id number ON the image. I wrongly assumed the on-image attribution would operate as an advertisement. A very unintentional misunderstanding of “free downloads” and fair use. Confessedly, I’m ignorant of the shades of copyright gray not malicious. What makes my mistake worth $660 for a third party who simply re-posted?

The system, or rather the single letter received over mail is based on guilt, shaming and punishing rather than creative protection and public education. How is the calculation made that one can be sued for an indeterminate amount between $660 and $150K for an $11 image? How much of the $660 would the artist get? Once I have a clear view of the rules regarding online image use on personal blogs, I’ll be sure to post it. So far I haven’t found an easy list to follow and would be grateful for recommendations.

It doesn’t help that the law firm suing Community Yoga has an unsavory online reputation for copyright infringement related “extortion.”

This makes me hesitant to use ANY online imagery. So, from now on I’ll be posting random potentially unrelated images of things, myself and my family.

Community Yoga did not make a penny from the image I posted. Yes, I should pay for my unintentional mistake, like I would a traffic ticket. In this case, the passenger is getting the ticket and the fine is random.

Part of me wants to sulk quietly in fear of being sued myself. If I’m quiet maybe they won’t hit me with a lawsuit too. But, I believe it is important to share and warn of the dangers. In a moment of unaware image use, I opened myself and those who would support me up to legalized blackmail by online ambulence chasers.

Let this be a gentle warning to you, my dear blog reading and writing friends. Protect yourselves and your friends. I’ll try my best to do better.

Sincerely,

Hungryphil

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wobblyogi Wednesday: Raisins and Meditation

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Eating meditatively takes us beyond focused sensations of the tongue. Eating becomes an expansive experience of smells, textures, coordinated movements mediated by the body and received by the mind. What would it be like to “taste” everything for the first time?  Here is an excerpt from Full Catastrophe Living that explains the practice of mindful eating:

The first introduction to the meditation practice in MBSR always comes as a surprise to our patients. More often than not, people come with the idea that meditation means doing something unusual, something mystical and out of the ordinary, or, at the very least, something relaxing. To relieve them of these expectations right off the bat, we give everybody three raisins and we eat them one at a time, paying attention to what we are actually doing and experiencing from moment to moment. You might wish to try it yourself after you see how we go about it.

First we bring our attention to seeing one of the raisins, observing it carefully as if we had never seen one before. We feel its texture between our fingers and notice its colors and surfaces. We are also aware of any thoughts we might be having about raisins or food in general. We note any thoughts and feelings of liking or disliking raisins if they come up while we are looking at it. We then smell it for a while, and finally, with awareness, we bring it to our lips, being aware of the arm moving the hand to position it correctly, and of salivating as the mind and body anticipate eating. The process continues as we take it into our mouth and chew it slowly, experiencing the actual taste of one raisin. And when we feel ready to swallow, we watch the impulse to swallow as it comes up, so that even that is experienced consciously. We even imagine, or “sense,” that now our bodies are one raisin heavier. Then we do it again with another raisin, this time without any verbal guidance, in other words, in silence. And then with the third. The response to this exercise is invariably positive, even among the people who don’t like raisins. People report that it is satisfying to eat this way for a change, that they actually experienced what a raisin tasted like for the first time that they could remember, and that even one raisin could be satisfying. Often someone makes the connection that if we ate like that all the time, we would eat less and have more pleasant and satisfying experiences of food. Some people usually comment that they caught themselves automatically moving to eat the other raisins before finishing the one that was in their mouth, and recognized in that moment that this is the way they normally eat.

Kabat-Zinn, Jon. Full Catastrophe Living (Revised Edition): Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness (pp. 15-16). Random House Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.