Pausing or Stuck?

How can I move on and grow when I’m back at home with my parents?

…I’ve been asked various versions of this question as a counselor.

At best the question exposes the uncomfortable struggle between needing support and wanting autonomy. At worst it hides destructive shame and self-doubt.

Yes, I answer.. this is your question, emphasizing the first important part of the question “How can YOU move and grow … merely qualifying the question with “when back at home with my parents?” Sometimes, a slight shift in tone starts to open up possibilities, a space to grow.

First of all, I want to continue, autonomy is a myth. We all need different levels of help. (Reality testing)

Second, ask yourself “how can I move and grow today?” Find yourself again and again. Imagined paths to independence may look a bit different at first until you find your horizon. (Partializing)

Third, how do you want to grow? Towards self-sufficiency, autonomy, independent social life, self-management and direction? Redefine the sentence for yourself: “A grown up is ……….” (Expressive Arts/ working with introjects)

Some days it may feel like a restorative pause in the rhythm of your life. Other days it may feel like a constraining reversal that propels you forward.

Often, you may just feel stuck.

In any case, it’s the question “how can I ________?” that matters. The if/when qualifiers are secondary. (empowerment)

When I find myself feeling stuck, I try to find some small way to move, to wiggle slightly, maybe even just reach up my arms to stretch, something, anything to keep holding the possibility “How can I…….?”

What do you do when you feel stuck? How do you cope and keep moving?

Hope you move through your day with ease. Thank you for reading.


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